Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
