adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
