The police scanner is talking about you again....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
