Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
