i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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