I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
