Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
