im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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