capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
