Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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