The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
