i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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