this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
