Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mouth tastes like poor choices
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
