I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
