If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
