meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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