P.S. I can't hear my feet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
