Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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