i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize