ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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