Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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