Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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