her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
