I think I won the penis lottery.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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