You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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