I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
