Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
