Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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