we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
