something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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