Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
