just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
