Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
