no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
