Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
