six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
