Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
