hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize