I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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