"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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