what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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