Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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