my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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