For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
