We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
