i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
