Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
