I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
