Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
