I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
