New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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