Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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