you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
