we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize