Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
