After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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