i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
