HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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