Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
