I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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