these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize