While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
